I was watching a movie tonight, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2, and found myself on the verge of tears. Now don't get me wrong, I find myself to be an emotional guy, but not one that just tears up at movies, let alone movies that are not that good. However, I started to feel this deeper connection with a lot of the characters and realized that I really find myself relating to those that give themselves up for a bigger purpose. I start to yearn to be able to do that in my life. I want to be able to sacrifice myself and what I want to support the bigger cause. I'm sure a lot of folks can relate to that but I find it in almost every movie I watch or book I read. I suppose that's why they are successful to some degree. But I really want to be able to look back and have people see that I did not act selfishly in things and that I gave up myself to be part of a bigger cause.
I find myself laughing as I write this because that is not who I thought I would be when I was younger. I was always about fighting that, about being an individual who stood out and was not part of anything else but just was. But now, not sure why, I find myself wanting to give it all up to fight for something else. To let myself go and stand for something bigger. I'm reminded all too much of the lyrics of Mumford and Sons where they say "If only I had an enemy bigger than my apathy, I would have won." Cause that's where I see myself, yearning to lose myself, dying to want to stand, but for what? I live a mostly comfortable life where I don't have to stand for much and the trivial things that do come up are just not worth fighting for, they're just small things that in the end don't matter much. So I leave restating the title and those lyrics:
If only I had an enemy bigger than my apathy, I would have won.
